Family

UPDATE

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Oh boy, it’s time for an update. So much has gone on since September, the last time I updated you.  Honestly, the last two months have been so physically and mentally draining that I don’t want to recap them. I am drained. All I have the energy to do is listen to podcasts.  Even then, I find myself falling asleep sitting up. I the energetic equivalent of a garden slug.  Although, I’m pretty sure the garden slug has more pep.

I keep hoping for progress. My son has had difficulty since school started.  We had to reschedule and restructure his day multiple times.  He has been routinely having panic attacks.  It got to the point where he could only go to three classes.  I was also called a lot due to him having panic attacks and needing me. Sometimes the call would go to voice mail and all I could hear was my son’s incoherent stuttering on the other end. I would often come to sit with him in the office.

Once the school physically walked him to class and sat with him.  Then they refused to let him call me.  I wrote a very strongly worded letter that they could not do that again.  I’ve got a kid suffering from horrible anxiety and was hospitalized for suicide attempts.  Not the kid you want to upset and embarrass in front of his peers.  I had trouble getting him to go back.  I told him I made sure that it would never happen again. I do not think the school was very happy with me after that.  There was definitely a cool reception for me after that.

I understand that they had the best intentions for him at heart.  However, many people do not understand anxiety disorders.  There is a lack of understanding and empathy for those with mental health issues in general.  My kid is normal.  He just has this issue.

I kept taking my son to school, sometimes staying hours there myself.

The school kept pushing me to enroll him in another school and another program.  I felt we couldn’t give into the anxiety and would just have to work within the school parameters.  Then we got a letter from the Dean of students saying he had to meet with us because our son had missed too many days of school and is a truancy problem. He said we needed a plan for my son.  Um, that’s what I thought we had going with the school.  I kept thinking why doesn’t this guy know?  Don’t they all communicate?

My understanding was that the school and my son’s therapist were working together.  So I made the appointment.  We get together with the dean and some other members of staff.  So the Dean has us fill out this paperwork for the county. So we begin to answer all his questions and he fills out the form. We went through everything that has happened in the last year and what we have done.

Halfway through filling out the form he stopped writing as he ran out of room on the form.  He was very surprised at how much we had done.   In fact, we have done everything.  There could be no more recommendations. The “plan” was the same one we had before.  To slowly get E to integrate into each classroom. Like to keep adding five minutes each day until he can stay for the whole period.  Unfortunately, this was not working.

Several weeks pass and I get a notice for another meeting.  This time with more staff, most of the people I have dealt with before.  E has not been improving.  So they try to force my hand.  They wanted him to go to school at the other junior high and be involved with this special program.  He would be in a room with kids who have high functioning autism.  He would have two classes there and then be in regular classes for the rest of the day.

If he can’t go to regular classes at his old school with teachers he knows, how is he going to attend regular classes at a new school?  I know the stress would push him over.  Homeschooling is not an option.  He can’t stay at home for the rest of his life.  Making his circle smaller only increases the anxiety.  So I felt we were at a stand still.  My husband thought we should try it.

He often agrees with whatever the person running it says.  He doesn’t deal with the schools and doctors like I do.  I get so angry at him for this.  I have dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life.  It runs in my family.  I know what I am talking about.  These are administrators and teachers, not mental health professionals.  So what to do?

Then it dawns on me.  I will let him go to the new school if he gets to stay in that special room for every class.  They will only integrate him if he is comfortable. That way he is with the same teacher and same aides.  It will help alleviate his stress.  They have two weeks to see if this works.  If he gets worse, he is going back to his own school.  If he is the same or better he can stay.  He will still have a new case manager and social worker.  At least he knows the school nurse as she is our neighbor.  It’s hard to leave everything you know.  Even if you don’t go to it all.  So far nothing has improved but it has not gotten worse either.

I have had to pick him up a few times due to the anxiety making him unable to do anything.

In reading the paperwork done by the dean of students I noticed that it said that if no changes were made the matter would be referred to the district attorney.  Huh?  They told me this was just a formality.  So I called our family attorney.  She said she knew what it was, but there was nothing to worry about.  She said they do that if there are families where the parents won’t or can’t help their kids. Since we have been doing everything and can prove it, the county will do nothing.  That was a relief.

Also, at this time, I took my son to his therapist. The therapist up to this point has been trying to get E to work on his anxiety and being supportive.  This time she decided to play bad cop.  She really lit into my son and had him distraught.  She told him that we (his parents) were going to get into trouble and he would be taken away.  Then she told him she wouldn’t see him again until he could go to four classes.  This didn’t work and he was so upset he thought he was going to be put up for adoption.  Don’t know where that came from. I spent the next few days telling him he wouldn’t be taken from us.  He clung to me so tightly.  This changed nothing.  Now, I am trying to find a new therapist b/c he won’t go back to the old one.

I spent a week trying to get him into a new therapist in town.  I called 4 times and sent one email.  No response.  So now I have a phone call into a new place.  I hope the will call me back.  I really feel that he needs some counseling. I have also started calling a second therapy group as a back up.  They are not taking new clients and have an extensive wait list.  So they gave me the name of another therapist to try.

We have increased some of his meds.  He still has his psychiatrist. E has however lost weight.  So the psychiatrist is worried.  E won’t eat any breakfast or lunch because of his anxiety.  Add to that his sensory issues and he barely eats anything. He definitely does not have a balanced diet.  We try to supplement things with nutritional shakes and supplements.  It’s the best we can do.

Our son’s grandmother came to visit for about a week.  I spent that week, both morning and evening, sleeping.  I was so exhausted I couldn’t get enough rest.  I think since I can trust grandma to handle things my body was trying to catch up and rest.

I want desperately to have a different life.  I just feel so buried with everything I don’t know what to do.  I have ideas of directions to go, but time?

I’ll update you again shortly.

 

Journaling

What Things Make You Feel Peaceful?

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What makes you want to melt?  What calms your psyche?  Instead of only doing a 10 Journal Prompt post, I thought I’ve give you a list to make instead.  What makes you feel peaceful?

For me, there are several things that relax me and make me feel peaceful.  They include:  a massage, music, candles, a nice bed, England (just all of it), wind and rainstorms, crackling fire, the smell of a bakery, watching fluffy snow fall, hot coco, clean sheets, and a hot bath.

What would you put on your list?  Let me know in the comments.

 

Self

10 Quick Ideas for Self Care

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With the holidays around the corner, the stress is starting to mount. So I’m giving a quick list of ten self care coping skills you can use to help make it through the next month.  Here we go!

  1. Try a new makeup technique or color at home.
  2. Pet your pet.
  3. Put a puzzle together (over several days, a little at a time)
  4. Go for a walk around the block.
  5. Give yourself a quick facial.
  6. Color a quick picture.
  7. Phone a friend.
  8. Feed the ducks, squirrels and birds.
  9. Watch a black and white film.
  10. Make yourself hot chocolate or a milkshake.

Easy stuff huh?  Enjoy.

Home

Vintage vs Antique vs Retro

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Vintage, antique, retro, words we hear constantly.  We see them in store windows, on online postings and when grandma tells us about her candy dish from the world’s fair.  What does it all mean?  Many use the definitions as interchangeable words.  But are they?  Can misuse represent fraud?  It may not rise to that level hopefully, but it can create confusion.  So after looking at multiple sources and speaking with several people I hope the following can help you to know what you are looking at and what you should look for when shopping.

Vintage is the most common word that gets used for a variety of meanings.  Vintage is actually supposed to be used for wine only.  Yup, vintage refers to the year a wine is made.  It is not supposed to apply to anything else.  However, like everything in society, somethings don’t always follow what they are supposed to.  When the word vintage is used in conjunction with anything other than wine it is meaningless.  You will hear many people say that vintage means from 50 to 100 year old but not less than 20 years.  Having read in many chat rooms that this is the “common” usage.

What is antique?  An antique item is anything over 100 years old.  This is an industry standard.  Easy, and straightforward.

Then, that leaves retro.  What does retro mean?  Retro is imitative of a style, fashion, or design from the recent past.  Something that is outdated but becomes fashionable again. Remember bell bottoms?  They became popular again for a brief time in the 1990’s.  Retro can also apply to furniture, art and other forms of design and art.

I hope this brief tutorial helps you when shopping at your local flea market or on ebay.

 

 

Clothing

10 Fashion Terms To Know

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Each month I like to list ten different fashion terms and their meanings.  Sometimes, the terms are historical, some are modern, some are even no longer in use.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.  There are so many things to know!

1. Shirting- A term for any of a number of fabrics used for men’s and women’s shirts such as broadcloth, chambray, madras, oxford, and poplin.

2. Secondary Line- A version of a company’s popular main line that is produced at a lower cost out of lower priced materials.

3. Ultramarine- Rich deep purple-blue color made from powdered lapis lazuli, or chemicals to reach the same color.

4. Tyrian Purple- Red-Purple Color originally obtained from shellfish found off the shores of Tyre in ancient Palestine.  It was reserved for royalty.

5. Bias Slip- A slip cut on the diagonal of the fabric to give a more body conscious fit, it can stretch to conform to the movements of the body.

6.Silk- Fiber from insects that is produced when they spin their cocoons (a silkworm).  It is strong, resilient and elastic.

7. Cocktail Ring-  A large, noticeable ring that can be real or costume.

8. Lapel Pin- A woman’s pin originally worn on the lapel of a suit.

9. Peignoir- A loose wrap or jacket and skirt set worn by a woman for informal bed clothes or coverings.

10. Millefiore- An Italian word that means thousands of flowers.  Used to describe a tiny flower print in clothing and jewelry.

 

Journaling

10 Journal Prompts for November

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1. Can you remember which colors you liked best as a child?

2. When you think of your favorite holiday, what colors do you see?

3. What color do you wish trees would turn in Fall?

4. What holiday is your biggest feast?  What is a traditional meal you eat?  What would you like to eat instead?

5. What are your five favorite things?  If you bring them together what color pallet do you have?

6. What is your favorite clothing style?  From what era is it from?  Who are your clothing icons?

7. Write about your dream wardrobe.  Write about the one you have for your current life.  Then write about the wardrobe you would have for your dream life. How do they differ?  How are they the same?

8. What color was your bedroom growing up?  How did it change as you aged?

9. What does you current home look like aesthetically?  How about past homes? What is one feature you wish your current home has?

10. List the major holidays you recognize.  Do you decorate for them?  What are the decorations?

Self

Goal Updates

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In September I posted a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish.  I thought that I had written fairly small and easy goals for myself. I guess I was wrong.  I’m going to go through each goal and tell you how far I got.   How are you at accomplishing your goals?  I am usually really good at it.  However, like most people there are some things that I just want to put off.

The first thing on the list was drink more water.  As I said before, I hate water.  I really do. I haven’t done very well on this goal at all.  I have started having a glass of water with breakfast.  I still need to incorporate more.  I have started trying to drink LaCroix water.  I’m not 100% on it yet.  I will keep searching for a new flavor.

Number two goal was walking the dog.  I’ve made zero progress on this goal.  My dog has not been happy with me.  She now ignores me when I call her in from the yard.  She just gives me a sort of “fuck you” look.  I thought it was because we got cats.  It could be the no walks though.  My husband walks her.  I haven’t been.  I am a bad dog mommy.

Eat more fruits and veggies was my third goal.  This is one I’ve been able to achieve.  It really has helped that we decided to subscribe to Hello Fresh.  They always have great veggies with their meals.  This is not a paid sponsorship.  I pay for it myself.  The variety has really helped my well being too.

In the fourth spot it was working on my blog more.  I have done this a little bit.  I’ve made some minor headway.  My goal was to have a regular time to blog per day.   Hopefully, I can get that to work.

Fifth spot is read more.  I love reading.  Given what has been going on in my life over the last couple of years, reading has gone by the wayside.  My to be read bookshelf is overflowing.  I need to get back on track reading wise.  I am currently reading “The Art of Living Danishly.”

Sleep was my sixth goal.  I’ve always been an insomniac.  I cannot remember ever having a relaxing or refreshing sleep.  Recently, I’ve been put on some additional sleep medication and it is helping a bit.  I am sleeping longer but tired when I get up.  Hopefully, it will all work out soon.

Self-Care.  One of my additional goals was selfcare.  I know it’s such a buzz word but it is needed in my life now.  I’m just not doing a very good job lately.  I need to register myself for some massages.  My chiropractor said my muscles are really stiff and need to be worked. I need to get on that.  I also need to schedule everything else due to the holiday season.  Appointments book up fast.

My last goal was to go places.  I need to get out of the house.  I’ve done pretty well in October.  Fall leaves, pumpkin walks and other things.  I hope to keep this up for November.

What goals have you been working on?