To Be Continued, Part 2


When we drove our son up to the inpatient hospital he was okay.  I don’t think he could comprehend what was about to happen. Upon arrival, they informed us that they were running behind schedule.  This would turn out to be a huge problem.  Our son would get so overwhelmed that he would have major meltdowns.  We were there for over 5 hours.  During that time, my son cried, dry heaved, screamed, grabbed me and begged me not to leave him. He kept crying saying “Mom, don’t leave me, I can’t do this without you. I need you.”  It killed me.  It was so painful.  I felt absolutely horrible.  I just didn’t know what to do.  I pride myself on always knowing what to do.

I went to visit my son everyday.  My heart went out to the other children on the ward.  I would go days without seeing another visitor name in the sign in logs for the children.  I realize other families have responsibilities and children.  I just thought I would see more visitors.  Every time I went, “E” would beg me to take him home.  He had great difficulty participating in the groups they did.  Each day before I came “E” would call me crying asking me when I was coming up.

Finally after ten days he was released.  From what I understand people are released when their insurance runs out.  We questioned them, (the doctors) about this once they told us that insurance was not going to pay.  They assured us he was fine. I didn’t quite believe them. However, I saw no indication my son was improving, so we decided to take him home.

The doctors advised us that “E” has an eating disorder. I have for years tried to get my son to alter his eating habits.  He doesn’t eat fruits or veggies.  He has sensory processing disorder. Food and dress are his biggest areas of problems.  If you try to force him to eat he will vomit or gag the food.  He will also just not eat at all. If his food has spices he cannot eat them, the spices must be taken off. His food cannot touch, he needs separate plates and utensils.  I had tried for years to get his food issues fixed to no avail.  So when they said he had an eating disorder I thought, ” finally”! They then sprung on us a new inpatient program.

They said that he would have to go to a three week in patient eating disorder clinic.  I resisted a bit saying I thought it would be outpatient.  My son is only 11, how is he going to handle three weeks?  The doctors told me he was very sick.  They said his BMI had him ranked as malnourished.  I guess anything under 15 qualifies for that. So within a few days I drove him to the new facility.

The intake was so long, my son cried and screamed and begged not to stay.  While this was a much nicer place than the lock down facility, it still wasn’t home. In addition, all the kids there were so much older than my son.  He’s 11.  The next youngest was 14.  His roommate was 17.  It was another day of mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. While leaving him at this facility was slightly better than the lock down facility it is a lot for a young child to deal with.

Unfortunately, the next day I came down with an illness and could not go to visit him.  He would call me daily in tears and crying begging me to come visit him.  I really wanted to.  The illness I had would be detrimental to kids in an eating disorder clinic.  I couldn’t risk passing this along to others. Then six days later I get a phone call…..


Family · Self

What’s going on.


Hello Everyone,

I am sure you are wondering if I gave up on my blog.  No I haven’t but outside circumstances have put a temporary halt to things.  Let’s see, as many of you know our home remodeling from hell has finally ended.  The last day of construction was in December.

Also in December I had a breast cancer scare.  I had a routine mammogram in early December.  The results came back with some specious lumps.  Since I get breast cancer from both sides of my family I pay attention to my health in this area.  So I went in for an ultrasound right before Christmas.  Once lump came back as a cyst, the other lump was undetermined.  So I would next have to go in for a die contrast MRI. The day before Christmas Eve I went in.  The results would not be back till after Christmas.

It made for a rough holiday season.  Luckily, the second spot was another cyst and I was given the all clear.  Whew!

The biggest source of stress has been my son “E”.  Normally, he is the most kind, gentle, bright, shy and happy child.  During this past summer this started to change a bit. We figured that he was going into junior high school (so getting older, teen angst) and with all the home construction stress, he was just moody.  When school started, he was under a lot of stress. Normal right?  In many ways he was also better.  He seemed to be more responsible and his ADHD was better managed.  His grades were high too.  While a lot of his friends didn’t go to that school, there were a few that did. So he wasn’t completely alone.

As the year progressed we noticed him becoming more and more anxious. He started to get ill and began to miss school.  He was getting difficult to wake up.  He was starting to cry, shake, and have meltdowns.  It was like someone flipped a switch on his personality.  He has his first panic attack in the Fall. I knew right away what it was.

I took my son into his pediatrician to get him started immediately on medication. He also started seeing his therapist more often.  I was able to get him some accommodations at school for his anxiety too. Unfortunately, he started to self harm.  As the desire for self harm began to increase we removed him from school and enrolled him in a PHP.  PHP stands for partial hospitalization program.

“E” would attend the PHP from about 9-4 Monday-Friday.  Then he would come home on nights and weekends.  At PHP he would receive therapy, medical treatment, and schooling to help him overcome his anxiety and depression. He attended for several weeks when we received a phone call from the staff psychologist saying “E” was very suicidal. The decision was made on advice of the staff to place my son in a 24 hour lock down facility for adolescents.  It was the hardest decision I’ve had to make.  I knew it needed to be done. However, now I look back and question it a bit more.

To be continued…



Updating my update…

Dear Readers,

I have not forsaken you!  Unfortunately, a family medical emergency has turned into an emergency hospitalization.  I go to the hospital everyday, which is an hour away or more from our home.  When not there I fall into bed exhausted.  I am hoping to at least do a short blog post soon.  Keep the faith.




Dear Readers, an update.


I know  I said I would be working on my blog over Christmas, but that has not materialized.  On the bright side my painter came in to touch up the walls on my remodel.  All I have to do now is hang a chandelier.

My breast cancer scare came back okay.  The contrast dye MRI showed no cancer, just excess tissue.  Yipee!

My son is still having great difficulty.  We are on a waiting list to put him into a partial hospitalization program.  Till then everyday, I am on high alert.  I have also had some health issues recently that required an increase in the medication I am on.  In all, very stressful.  All I do is trying to relax and avoid any other stress even if it is minor.

I hope you will all understand.  I am going to try to work on blog posts this weekend.  I am shooting for my new posts on February 1st.


I’m a little MIA.

Good Evening Readers,

Here is just a quick note to update you on what is going on and why I have not been posting.  Things have gotten quite stressful at the moment in my home life.  My son who has a variety of things wrong at this point has been having greater problems.  This takes up quite a bit of time.

Recently, I have also had some bad news in regards to my mammogram that I had.  I had some anomalies that needed to be looked at via ultra sound. One of the problems is a benign cyst, the other is unknown.  So now I am waiting to be scheduled for an MRI. I have breast cancer on both sides of my family.  So needless to say, I”m pretty stressed out.  I don’t know anything is wrong yet.  So I will have to wait and see.

I am also having some stress related illnesses at the moment too. So I haven’t been doing as much as I would like.

My remodeling is almost completely done.  I just need to have the painter back for touch ups and have an electrician hang up a heavy chandelier.

I plan on working on the blog over the Christmas Holiday so look for more posts then.  Thanks for reading.




Journal Prompts for December.

Here are some journal prompts for the month of December.  Enjoy!

1. Do a drawing or cut and paste photos of the signs of the Zodiac.  Does you sign suit you?  What is your horoscope.  What are the characteristics of each sign.

2. What are five items you lust after.

3. What does the word honor mean to you?

4. What are your favorite aspects of Winter?

5. Describe the winter scene outside your window.

6.Write out what your holiday menu will be.  Can you add illustrations?  Compare to holidays during other time periods.  What foods would you like to add instead?

7. Describe your favorite cake.

8. What are your favorite Christmas stories and why?

9. Do you like your name? Why?

10. What would you choose as your last meal? Your favorite meal?


Supplies You Need For a Long Car Trip.


‘Tis the season for long car trips.  You thought they were over when summer ended didn’t you?  Nope, now it’s holidays with the relatives. How long will you be in the car?  How many kids will you have with you?  What are their ages?  Will pets be with you?  Other relatives?

  1. Car charger, lets face it,  I pads and I pods  and everything else in between use up a lot of power. They are the new babysitter whether we like it or not.  For long car trips they are a life saver.
  2. Tissues/Paper Towel.  Kids spill stuff.  Keep your car clean by stocking some paper towel or tissues for spills.
  3. Snacks. Individually packaged of course.  When the kids get upset they are probably hungry.  Throw a few snacks their direction.
  4. Drinks in a cooler. What are snacks without something to wash it down?
  5. Change of Clothes. People spill things on themselves, it gets hot, kids pee themselves, and so on.  A quick change of clothes is never wasted.
  6. Notebook/Pen. You are always thinking of stuff to do, people to contact, chores to do etc.  Write it down!  Let your child draw, exchange info in a traffic accident, draw a map, the possibilities are endless.
  7. Wipes. I keep these in my car year round.  I have two types of wipes.  Once is a wet ones hand wipe.  I use it after I pump gas or go shopping.  Yuck germs. Then I have a windex wipes to keep the car clean as well.
  8. Change. While most places take a credit card, change still is widely used at parking meters, vending machines etc.
  9. Music. If you have ever gone on long car trips before you know where I am going for this.  Certain parts of the country have horrible musical selections!  Satellite Radio is a gift from the gods!  Just remember to print out a channel guide.

Happy Traveling!